Sometimes language goes without speaking. I am on plane right now. The man next to me seated center spot to my left speaks a language I can’t understand. He speaks loud and with purpose. He’s trying to communicate to his wife, who is seated unfortunately in the row directly across from us, middle seat. The man flares his arms with every proposition he makes as his sliver watch nearly smacks me in the face. He’s talking right now as I write, talking into my left ear that is stuffed with an ear bud. Small drips of spit are hitting my cheek as his plight travels from his lips, into my left ear. Jumps around like incomprehensive static through my brian, spits out of my right ear and lands onto his wife. She processes his thought, and agrees. Agrees to what? I don’t know yet, but I have a sticky feeling it has something to do with changing seats.
There is no coming together as of now on language, no english has been spoken, but I can feel the question boiling. Call it intuition, I know it’s gonna happen.
“Can you move, so we can sit next to each other?”
There it is!
The wife asks me in perfect english. “Fuck. No! No I can’t move. I booked the isle seat for a reason bitch, I don’t want to be in the middle!” Is what I think but not what I say.
What I say is “excuse me?”, as I take the strategically placed ear bud out of my ear. The headphones I am wearing are not even connected to a devices, they’re in my head as a prop to reiterate the point that I don’t want to be talked to. I’m settled in and I don’t want to move.
“My husband snores loud and it would be great if we could sit next to each other in case he falls asleep, I’ll nudge him if he starts snoring”. Ok so now my flight is fucked no matter how this plays out. Say I’m the nice guy and say “sure, I’ll move”, now I am in wife’s middle seat. Sandwiched between a 300 pound man, whose body pours over the arm rest and a nearly bursting pregnant woman whose breast feeding an infant (yes you read that right).
I’m not doing that. So I say no. Now I am comfortable in my isle seat (as booked….in advanced) and have an awkward plane ride. Husband will sleep and snore like a marmoset as wife gives me the “I told you so” stink eye.
What a shame that the miracle of modern flight is ruined by a foreign married couples ill- planned seating arrangement.
I hate flying.