Cinema, we need to talk.


I surrender myself to you. I give you my time. I could be doing other things but I’m not, I’m focusing on you. I happened to have been invited out tonight but I chose to stay in with you. Two hours, sometimes more, quality you and I time.

Cinema, you are one of the most important things in my life. So when you fail me, which you often have been doing, you’re an asshole, and a waste of life. Like an ex girlfriend that I want nothing to do with. I remember fond moments with you, but after watching Resident Evil: Retribution, Taken 2, Total Recall the remake (way to piss on a classic) and the trailer to A Good Day to Die Hard : Die Hard 5, Cinema we need to talk.

How does this keep happening? There must be someone in the room during the creation of these turds that speaks up. Are the film makers aware of this? Retribution was un-watchable, a series of cartoonish action scenes with shitty performances. It’s an assembly line of garbage. Fuck all, I guess people will continue to pay the ticket.

There’s nothing worse than getting sucked into sitting down in front of a picture by a sexy trailer. Or being lied to by a celebrity that has done right by you in the past, trusting that enjoyment will follow and being utterly  let down. Why Cinema? Why do you treat me like this? What have I done to you?

Maybe we need to go on a break for a bit, start seeing other people, Shameless and Californication just started back up on Showtime, I can always count of them.

As homage, here’s some old pictures of Cinema and I together, when we were at our greatest.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind



Total Recall (the fucking original)


The Shining


Indiana Jones

The Cremaster Cycle


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