Things not to do, when ordering a drink at a bar.

not to do“My drink’s not strong enough”. If you want a strong drink, order a double. Or, maybe skip the sugary mix and order it neat. Don’t try it, turn to the bartender and say, “I can’t taste the alcohol. Did you put any in this?”. Yes we did.  “Add more, I’ll tip you”. This says to the bartender that you’re either cheap, just turned 21, already drunk or all three. You’ve sent back a blended margarita for “not being strong enough”. Why are you ordering a blended margarita if your goal is to get drunk?

To the “stare-ers” that like to watch the bartender work. Try not to ask us “what are you making?” This always happens when we’re making something that we don’t particularly like to make. If we’re muddling something or adding a mass amount of ingredients, the chances are this is the worse drink that someone could have ordered. Asking what a drink is because you may want to order one is no offense. However, interrogating a busy bartender about the intricacies of what they are doing is. “What’s in that?”. “Who ordered it?”. “Do you make those a lot?”.  We have a full bar, our waiter well is 10 tickets deep, our drafts are popped, and we can’t find our barback. We’re not being impolite when we tell you that we can’t talk. We’re busy.

The double order. You grab a bartenders attention and order, they disappear for a moment to make it. You get nervous that they forgot about you so you grab another bartender and ask them for the same order. The first bartender you asked didn’t forget, just simply had something else come up as they we’re making your drinks. Now both bartenders bring you your order. Unfortunately now, you have to pay for both. If a bartender is taking some time with your order, trust them, they’re making it. The chance that they forgot will happen, but they will inevitably walk past you again and remember. And if you conduct yourself with patience in the occasion that they did forget, a good bartender will most likely buy back at least one of the drinks in your order.

“I’ll have a beer”. You’ll have a beer? Ok, so that’s one percent of the battle. We have 20 beer’s on draft and another 40 different types in bottle. You’re not in a spaghetti western where you can ask for a beer and shot and tell the bartender to leave the bottle. “I’ll have a beer” is as much as an order as “I’ll have a whiskey neat, on the rocks”. Neither of these drinks exist. Be prepared and know what you want.

These are all pretty universal common sense ways to conduct yourself while ordering a drink.

There are a few others that I won’t go into greater detail about, such as:

The costumer that brings in their smart phones to look up 100 different wacky drink recipes. And then asks you if you have an iphone charger behind the bar.

And of course the lovable “Give me the cheapest drink you have”.

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