Have you ever bought a high priced item from the shack? Ever? They sell ipads they sell laptops but if you’re like me the only reason you would ever go there is to buy some 2 dollar vague wire that no one else sells. So how? Nazi money? Are you a front of some sort a vague evil racket? Are you funded by some self made millionaire that just keeps loosing money to keep the dream alive? Maybe you’re a mysterious branch of Walmart or Kmart?
I got a new record player for my birthday last year Audio-Technica, I’m told it’s what the real DJ’s use to spin. Great sound, expensive yes, but the thing is gorgeous. A record player made for appreciators, an anti-pandora-app machine. I can’t wait to listen to some vinyl on this beast. Got to hook it up. AV-wire plugs into my receiver AV-IN, AV-OUT to player and speaker wire from receiver to speaker, match red to black, wires are gold and silver, splice here re-splice there, strip the wire, fuck I feel like I’m in a Keanu Reeves movie trying to dissect a bomb.
I set up a record listening station in my apartment. A shelf that has all my vinyl, with the Audio-Technica player on top, it looks good. Yes I will acknowledge the part of me that wants this station to look cool for when people come over, makes me look like a real appreciator. I am a real appreciator though, I love music and spend time finding good sound. My station is perfect, looks like a corner of a real record shop. Now the final attempt to connect AV-OUT to AV-IN on my receiver. The fucker is too small, wont reach. So I need this 3ft AV extension wire, AV-IN to AV-IN, it’s a tricky one to find.
Gotta hit the shack.
I have never been to Radio Shack a time in my life and not had a bad experience. They are usually dirty and stink like a warehouse fart and the people working are always morons. There’s also always a wait with a line of questions at check out, this time will be no exception.
I walk in to an empty store save for one 80 year old man at the register and a very large african american woman behind it. I search the shelfs for my wire and can’t seem to find what I am looking for. In through the front door storms my savior, an overweight guy holding a bag of Mcdonalds food in one hand and a slurpee in the other. I’m loving it. He sees me and walks right up, “you doing alright bro?”. He reeks of BO, horrible BO that makes my eyes water, that mixed with the smell of Mcdonalds fries was no enjoyable matter.
I tell him I need a 3ft AV-IN to AV-IN wire, he points me directly to them, at least he was good for that. Now to the register to pay. Mcdonalds guy disappeared into the back leaving me in line behind the 80 year old. A couple minutes go by, as I listen to them talk about various different cell phone plans. The old guy goes into a story about how the first time he used a phone. She tells him how if he joins AT&T he can get an iphone for 100 dollars. He says what’s an iphone? The old fucker isn’t even in the market to buy a phone. He’s just lonely and looking for someone to talk to. I know guys like these, they go into random shops and ask the employees questions. If the moron behind the counter had one ounce of common sense she would have said “let me check him (me) out, then we’ll get back to the Q and A.” But no instead I just stand there and wait, for twenty minutes. Twenty minuets of listening to them. Most people would have said something, but I didn’t, I never do in these situations, partly because I am not an asshole but more so because I get curious as to how long these people are going to let this go on for. Well twenty minutes, that was how long; until finally, he leaves. I walk up to the counter with a “you’ve-gotta-be-fucking-kidding-me” expression on my face, she doesn’t catch on.
“This be all sir?”
“Yeah, that’ll do it.”
The rest of this transaction is transcribed below exactly how it went down with no exaggeration:
“ok can I have your email address?”
“Phone number and zip code to be in our mailing list? they’ll send you coupons”
“no, no phone number no email, just the wire”
(She scans the wire.)
“ok so i’ll put nothing, just blank…thats ok. Ok so it’s $4.50.”
“So this wire is insured for 3 years, bends breaks, accidental, anything that goes wrong with it you can bring it in and get a replacement, the insurance is just $1.99.”
“No! Just ring me up, I’ll give you money and I will leave with the wire.”
“Did you even hear what I said?”
“Yes I heard, you’re trying to sell me insurance for a wire! Insurance for this AV wire that I have stood in line to buy for twenty minutes that costs $4.50. You asked if I wanted to buy insurance for this WIRE that costs $2?!? Half the price of the wire. These things never bend break or stop working, they end up in junk drawers. You realize how ridiculous this is?”
“Well sir, we have to mention the insurance plans to all of our costumers, it’s our job.”
“Right, I get that, and I’m sorry you have to do that, but do you have any common sense? Would you think that someone after waiting twenty minutes to buy something, might not want to hear about the specials?!?
“…….. So no insurance?”
“Right, no insurance.”
Another great time atRadio sShack. If you get the word or have any idea how these guys are still open i would love to hear.