The wife’s, the girlfriends, the fiances and the companions.
The men (all of us.)
“We like to watch internet porn and that doesn’t make us love you any less.”
The other day before going to work, my girlfriend walked in on me just after I was done masturbating to internet porn. The bathroom door was shut, the coconut oil was out and I was naked. She wasn’t supposed to be home until later, so I thought I had time. In through the front door she bursts, I hear her and know that there is no way to explain my current situation, but I certainly try.
“Why was the door closed?”
She asks, as I pull up my pants.
“oh uh the dog was scratching, didn’t want her…to you know….”
She sees my laptop.
“…and you need your laptop in the bathroom?”
“Yeah just you know finishing something I’m writing”
She quickly connects the dots.
“You were totally just jacking off!”
“No I wasn’t! Come on, now? No way!?! Why would I do that here? Now? No way! In the bathroom? Come on, gross.”
I know she knows and she knows that I know she knows.
I need the men of the world to get behind me on this very important issue. Just because we’re jacking off to the internet doesn’t mean we don’t love you. It doesn’t mean that we don’t find you attractive and it certainly doesn’t mean that we don’t want to have sex with you.
It’s just something we do, I’m not ashamed to say it.
Why? Why do we do it and you don’t? Who knows. Probably some deep routed evolutionary impulses going on, I imagine that the root reason from guy to guy varies, feels good certainly. Let me venture a guess as to reasoning, if you think about it the first person 99.9 percent of men lost their virginity to was themselves. I was assuredly playing with the thing years before I could convince a girl to. Perhaps like a drug addict chasing the dragon that first joyous explosion. Perhaps it takes us very little effort with a similar conclusion. Can’t answer it.
Oh, and to the girls whose boyfriends claim they don’t do it, yeah, they’re lying.
So I guess with this article I boldly confess. Yes. Yes, I was.