Aristotle

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
-Aristotle

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Cinema, we need to talk.

Cinema.

I surrender myself to you. I give you my time. I could be doing other things but I’m not, I’m focusing on you. I happened to have been invited out tonight but I chose to stay in with you. Two hours, sometimes more, quality you and I time.

Cinema, you are one of the most important things in my life. So when you fail me, which you often have been doing, you’re an asshole, and a waste of life. Like an ex girlfriend that I want nothing to do with. I remember fond moments with you, but after watching Resident Evil: Retribution, Taken 2, Total Recall the remake (way to piss on a classic) and the trailer to A Good Day to Die Hard : Die Hard 5, Cinema we need to talk.

How does this keep happening? There must be someone in the room during the creation of these turds that speaks up. Are the film makers aware of this? Retribution was un-watchable, a series of cartoonish action scenes with shitty performances. It’s an assembly line of garbage. Fuck all, I guess people will continue to pay the ticket.

There’s nothing worse than getting sucked into sitting down in front of a picture by a sexy trailer. Or being lied to by a celebrity that has done right by you in the past, trusting that enjoyment will follow and being utterly  let down. Why Cinema? Why do you treat me like this? What have I done to you?

Maybe we need to go on a break for a bit, start seeing other people, Shameless and Californication just started back up on Showtime, I can always count of them.

As homage, here’s some old pictures of Cinema and I together, when we were at our greatest.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Bronson

Network

Total Recall (the fucking original)

Psycho

The Shining

 

Indiana Jones

The Cremaster Cycle

 

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I am tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!

Poor Amethystine python just stuck dying in the wind.

This 9.8-foot python flew from Cairns, Australia, to Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea, attached to the wing of a Qantas’ passenger airplane.

Might be hard to watch for some.

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Hollywood bartender.

The almost thirty, moved to hollywood to be an actor but work as a bartender mental check list.

1. Fuck.
2. I booked that commercIal last week. Don’t know if it’ll air. Made 250 bucks though, I have that.
3. Rent. God damn it! I don’t even like my apartment.
4. I think I have dark circles under my eyes.
5. Botox? Probably to young for that.
6. Maybe I should’ve stayed home. I could have done something there.
7. Bullshit! I know I am good. I can do thIs I am a great actor I know I am.
8. Fuck!
9. Am I a type? Maybe? Yeah! Fine I’ll be a type as long as I can get paid.
10. People seem to like me.
11. Im getting fat. Bradley Copper Isn’t fat.
12. My head hurts.
13. I have a great life
14. I hate my life
15. Please like me.
16. You don’t like me?
17. Fuck you! I don’t like you!
18. Sorry, fuck… I didn’t mean that. Did that hurt my chance? I’m sorry.
19. Keep going, it will pay off someday.
20. Almost thirty and living like a 21 year old, when’s someday?
21. I need new headshots.
22. My shift starts in 2 hours, I hope I don’t get puked on.

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Two short films that must be seen.

There is nothing more changeling than telling a great story through film in under 10 mins. Two short films that if you haven’t seen you have to.

The Last Day Dream:

SPIDER:

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Internet Porn

To:

The wife’s, the girlfriends, the fiances and the companions.

From:

The men (all of us.)

Subject:

“We like to watch internet porn and that doesn’t make us love you any less.”

Thank you.

The other day before going to work, my girlfriend walked in on me just after I was done masturbating to internet porn. The bathroom door was shut, the coconut oil was out and I was naked. She wasn’t supposed to be home until later, so I thought I had time. In through the front door she bursts, I hear her and know that there is no way to explain my current situation, but I certainly try.

“Why was the door closed?”

She asks, as I pull up my pants.

“oh uh the dog was scratching, didn’t want her…to you know….”

She sees my laptop.

“…and you need your laptop in the bathroom?”

“Yeah just you know finishing something I’m writing”

She quickly connects the dots.

“You were totally just jacking off!”

“No I wasn’t! Come on, now? No way!?! Why would I do that here? Now? No way! In the bathroom? Come on, gross.” 

She knows.

I know she knows and she knows that I know she knows.

I need the men of the world to get behind me on this very important issue. Just because we’re jacking off to the internet doesn’t mean we don’t love you. It doesn’t mean that we don’t find you attractive and it certainly doesn’t mean that we don’t want to have sex with you.

It’s just something we do, I’m not ashamed to say it.

Why? Why do we do it and you don’t? Who knows. Probably some deep routed evolutionary impulses going on, I imagine that the root reason from guy to guy varies, feels good certainly. Let me venture a guess as to reasoning, if you think about it the first person 99.9 percent of men lost their virginity to was themselves. I was assuredly playing with the thing years before I could convince a girl to. Perhaps like a drug addict chasing the dragon that first joyous explosion. Perhaps it takes us very little effort with a similar conclusion. Can’t answer it.

Oh, and to the girls whose boyfriends claim they don’t do it, yeah, they’re lying.

So I guess with this article I boldly confess. Yes. Yes, I was.

Sorry??

 

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Persian family plane ride.

Sometimes language goes without speaking. I am on plane right now. The man next to me seated center spot to my left speaks a language I can’t understand. He speaks loud and with purpose. He’s trying to communicate to his wife, who is seated unfortunately in the row directly across from us, middle seat. The man flares his arms with every proposition he makes as his sliver watch nearly smacks me in the face. He’s talking right now as I write, talking into my left ear that is stuffed with an ear bud. Small drips of spit are hitting my cheek as his plight travels from his lips, into my left ear. Jumps around like incomprehensive static through my brian, spits out of my right ear and lands onto his wife. She processes his thought, and agrees. Agrees to what? I don’t know yet, but I have a sticky feeling it has something to do with changing seats.

There is no coming together as of now on language, no english has been spoken, but I can feel the question boiling. Call it intuition, I know it’s gonna happen.

“Can you move, so we can sit next to each other?”

There it is!

The wife asks me in perfect english. “Fuck. No! No I can’t move. I booked the isle seat for a reason bitch, I don’t want to be in the middle!” Is what I think but not what I say.

What I say is “excuse me?”, as I take the strategically placed ear bud out of my ear. The headphones I am wearing are not even connected to a devices, they’re in my head as a prop to reiterate the point that I don’t want to be talked to.  I’m settled in and I don’t want to move.

“My husband snores loud and it would be great if we could sit next to each other in case he falls asleep, I’ll nudge him if he starts snoring”. Ok so now my flight is fucked no matter how this plays out. Say I’m the nice guy and say “sure, I’ll move”, now I am in wife’s  middle seat. Sandwiched between a 300 pound man, whose body pours over the arm rest and a nearly bursting pregnant woman whose breast feeding an infant (yes you read that right).

I’m not doing that. So I say no. Now I am comfortable in my isle seat (as booked….in advanced) and have an awkward plane ride. Husband will sleep and snore like a marmoset as wife gives me the “I told you so” stink eye.

What a shame that the miracle of modern flight is ruined by a foreign married couples ill- planned seating arrangement.

I hate flying.

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I am Adam Lanza’s Mother

After the tragedy in Connecticut gun control has been at the top of the news. It’s clear that automatic rifles are sold for no other reason than to take life. The NRA has gone dark and used their silencers the past week, post the massacre at Sandy Hook. They have not posted one tweet and suspended use of their facebook page.
As gun control takes spot light in the news many also argue the mental heath of these children and prescription medication.

This is a must read article written by a mother that fears her son…please read it:
article

20121217-153815.jpg

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2012 it came, it saw, it concord!

Oh Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining…it is the night of the dear savior and so on.

Here we are again. The New Year is approaching the holidays gallop in.

From tragedy to celebrity here’s a look at Yahoo’s 2012 year in review: http://news.yahoo.com/year-in-review/

Best in TV: http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/12/the-best-television-episodes-of-2012/266198/

Best movies you forgot to see this year: http://www.wired.com/underwire/2012/12/best-movies-didnt-see/?&viewall=true

Most watched youtube ads: http://www.adweek.com/news/advertising-branding/youtube-ads-leaderboard-2012

Best books: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/09/books/review/10-best-books-of-2012.html?_r=0

Best music: http://www.npr.org/blogs/bestmusic2012/2012/12/12/166972039/listener-picks-your-favorite-albums-of-2012


 

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John McAfee

John McAfee,

Alright so if you follow the news I am sure you have heard the escapades of Mr. John McAfee.

The creator of McAfee anti-virus software has been living quite the interesting life in Belize.

In-between having sex with 17 year olds, traveling around shirtless yielding a shotgun, being accused of murder, and allegedly partaking in bath-salt type drugs, McAfee’s expositions have become some type of a pop cultural hero story. Formally on the run from the Belize government he was recently arrested in Guatemala. 

I would like to write more on him, but I think it’s best for now to just put some links to read up on his antics.

Having been caught trolling in wacky ways on the internet, and being involved in such strange online activity I had this paranoid thought. Maybe years ago John McAfee invented the computer virus, and then developed a software to stop them. What a way to sell product!

Anyway,

I can’t wait till they make the movie….. Any guesses as to who plays John McAfee? I say Ed Harris.

 

http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2012/12/how-vice-got-john-mcafee-caught/

 

http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2012/12/06/software-founder-mcafee-denied-asylum-in-guatemala/

 

http://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2012/12/09/mcafee-us-belize/1757699/

 

Interesting to hear him on Joe Rogan’s podcast while he was in hiding:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GmwSgCfn38

 

 

 

 

 

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